


all we know of heaven

by nostalgics



Series: all we know of heaven all we need of hell [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-18 22:51:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20199496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgics/pseuds/nostalgics
Summary: “You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” – Barbara de Angelis—a series of shorts each correlating to one of the first five track from PVRIS’ 2017 album “all we know of heaven all we need from hell”





	1. heaven

**Author's Note:**

> (chapter titles are taken chronologically, from each track of PVRIS' "all we know of heaven all we need of hell")

Loving Zoë was painful. It was a constant pain, emanating from every inch of Artemis’ being. It was a pain that hurt to her very core. And goddesses didn’t experience pain the way a mortal would, but loving Zoë hurt Artemis all the same. 

It hurt, as Olympus watched idly when the girl was cast out of the Garden of Hesperides, eons before the two would ever cross paths, to see a girl who was once a goddess be resigned to mortal life once again. It hurt, as Olympus watched idly when the Fates decided, millennia from now, the girl was to die at the hands of her own father.

Artemis watched, and Artemis knew, and Artemis hurt. Yet still, she fell in love with Zoë Nightshade.

It pained her, as an immortal being, to so fiercely love someone whose days were numbered. It pained her, as a goddess, to only be able to grant an immortality that had conditions. 

Perhaps the Gods weren’t made to love. Perhaps Artemis swore herself to eternal maidenhood with good reason. Perhaps loving Zoë wasn’t worth it. Or perhaps, they were simply cursed from the start.

Loving Zoë was painful. It felt like drowning in a cold ocean with unrelenting waves, icy water crashing into her, chipping away at her piece by piece. She wanted to scream, to say something, to breathe, at the very least. Yet every time she opened her mouth, it would fill her full of sea water, letting her lungs collapse in on itself. 

It hurt, as Artemis watched idly when the girl joined the hunt, becoming a faithful lieutenant as if the position was meant for her. It hurt, as Artemis watched idly when the girl lived, and laughed, and loved her, despite knowing that millennia from now, the girl was to die at the hands of her own father.

Artemis watched, and Artemis knew, and Artemis hurt. Yet still, she loved Zoë Nightshade back.

The Greeks didn’t believe in heaven. It wouldn’t have mattered to Artemis anyway. Zoë was with the stars, and she will never meet her there.


	2. half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (chapter titles are taken chronologically, from each track of PVRIS' "all we know of heaven all we need of hell")

Artemis knows Zoë is all in. Artemis knows, that if the sky was falling, Zoë would catch it to save the goddess, whether she needed to or not.

Artemis knows, that Zoë loves her wholly, with everything she has.

In comparison, the goddess feels her love is not enough. Where Zoë loves her entirely, Artemis can only offer half. All the love the goddess feels is overshadowed by the looming truth, the knowledge of the girl’s fate.

It’s painful, and then all at once it is numbing. She feels everything, and nothing at all.

She wants to tell Zoë. She wants the girl to know that it isn’t that she doesn’t love her, and it isn’t that she isn’t enough. It’s simply that she can’t be all in. She can’t be all in, because she cannot bear to eventually lose the girl, and then herself. She can’t be all in because she cannot tell the girl her fate. She wants to love the girl wholly, and it pains her to be half in half out.

She knows it would pain the both of them more to tell the truth. Actions have consequences, as Zoë’s exile from the Garden has so crudely demonstrated. There will be consequences for subverting the Fates.

Instead, she wishes.

Artemis wishes she wasn’t a goddess. She wishes she doesn’t know. She wishes she never existed to begin with. That nothing ever existed to begin with.

Artemis wishes many things. She never wishes to not love Zoë Nightshade.


	3. anyone else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (chapter titles are taken chronologically, from each track of PVRIS' "all we know of heaven all we need of hell")

Artemis eventually reconciles with the fact she loves Zoë Nightshade unconditionally and irrevocably. Artemis eventually reconciles with the fact that loving Zoë Nightshade was inevitable, from the moment their eyes first met, and the moment their skin first touched.

Artemis eventually reconciles with the fact she loves Zoë Nightshade.

What she fails to come to terms with however, is the fact that Zoë Nightshade will eventually leave her. Or rather, that she will eventually leave Zoë to remain on this Earth alone, abandoning her lover.

Artemis is a goddess. She possesses the power to do many things, but she cannot stop the Fates. She has done everything in her godly power to preserve the girl named life. What hurts Artemis still, is the thought of Zoë thinking she left her. Of Zoë thinking the goddess did not do more. Of Zoë thinking the goddess did not love her enough.

Artemis is a goddess. She possesses the power to do any things, but the one thing she has no control over is the death of Zoë Nightshade, and the conditions under which it occurs.

As a goddess, Artemis is worshipped by the masses. She is worshipped with prayers, and sacrifices, and shrines in her name. There are statues, and temples, and feasts in her honor. It doesn’t make Artemis feel safe, or loved. In fact, it makes her feel small, in the scheme of things.

Zoë worships Artemis with her name whispered in a breathy whisper, with soft skin and open arms. She offers herself with bright eyes and a trusting soul, unknown and uncaring of a world beyond the goddess. It makes her feel at home.

There have been people before Zoë, and there will be people after. Artemis knows she never loved anyone else with the magnitude she loves Zoë Nightshade. She knows she never will.


	4. walk alone

Artemis begins to hate herself. She is sick, and tired, and miserable. She doesn’t want to be immortal, or worshipped, or even a goddess. She hates it. She isn’t her own being. She is an icon on a throne, stiff, cold, and uncomfortable. She is an idol people pray to and worship, innocent and naïve.

She hates it. 

It would be so much easier to want this. She wants to want this, but all she wants is Zoë Nightshade. 

Artemis used to think she was better than the Gods. That she was better, because she fought her own battles, and her own wars. She swore herself to maidenhood, and left Olympus alone. She helped young women, and fought cruel monsters. She thought she was courageous, and noble, and worthy. She isn’t.

Artemis used to think she was better than the Gods, but she is a God, and she isn’t better. 

There are seven deadly sins. She is greedy, for loving Zoë. She is prideful, for thinking she is better. She is angry, of the circumstances of her love. She is envious of those who won’t lose those they love. She is a glutton for pleasure, disregarding responsibility. She is a sloth, for her indifference toward her godliness. She is bitter, and sick, and tired, and miserable. 

The last of the seven sins is lust. 

Artemis doesn’t want to be immortal, or worshipped, or even a goddess. She hates it. But she loves Zoë Nightshade, and for that, she is flawed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the weakest of all the chapters, oops.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darling, I always knew that we were doomed  
I stay cold, feel the weight of the world  
Now I always, always walk alone without you

Zoë dies.

She dies, as all people eventually must. She dies in Artemis’ arms, on a cloudless night in San Francisco. In her last moments, she doesn’t look at the goddess, instead turning her head to face the stars. They are the last thing she sees before she dies.

Artemis holds back tears when Zoë dies, and she is glad the girl doesn’t see. She understands that sometimes, a person needs to just look away. She would look away herself, for the sight hurts her more than holding up the sky, but this is the last time she will ever see Zoë.

They were doomed from the start. They both knew, that eventually the day would come for Zoë Nightshade to pass, but neither of them thought it would come so soon. Neither of them thought it would hurt so much.

There are fleeting moments, that send a stabbing pain through Artemis’ chest, when she thinks she’s the one who killed Zoë Nightshade. That she’s the reason Zoë is dead. Of course, Artemis wasn’t the one who revoked her immortality, or the one who cut the strings of fate. She wasn’t the poisoned bite of a dragon, or an antagonistic titan.

Nonetheless, she is part of the reason Zoë is dead.

It was selfish, for a God to have loved a mortal the way Artemis loved Zoë Nightshade. It was selfish, to have kept the girl around for thousands of years, and it was selfish to let the girl save her life. It was selfish to let Zoë love her, and it was selfish to love her back.

Artemis was selfish, and that killed Zoë Nightshade. She walks alone now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this song had these lines that fit so well with zartemis and is actually part of the reason i decided to write this series

**Author's Note:**

> just a little something i wrote in a fit of inspiration while working on my lengthier zartemis college au. really feeling this ship lately, for some strange reason. you can keep up with my writing progress on tumblr @zartemis or follow my main blog.
> 
> tumblr @nostalgics


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